Honest Dictionary

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CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other! 

MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree & a woman gains her master.

DIVORCE: Future Tense of Marriage

LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either.

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read.

SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth.

ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes.

ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions.

PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!“.

PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY.

MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!

FATHER: A banker provided by nature.

CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught.

BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later.

DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills

by pills, and kills you.